Give-up

In desperation, I see,
What I had forlorn to be,
Be bestowed on someone more worthy.

My pride is lost, the game's over,
There’s nothing anyone can do about it,
As I give up, I know I’ll never stand back again.

I lost my only chance,
To prove my worth and stance,
As I bleed from inside, my tears go unseen.

I fear the repercussions,
The sorrow, disgust and tensions,
The stress they'll put me under, and the pain I shall hence suffer.

My friends all forsake me,
For I aint what I promised I will someday be,
Why blame them? When the fault in me lies wide open.

The depths of darkness,
The abyss, that I’ll never be able to fathom,
I fall into; will I ever come out is the question I pose to me.

My journey so mysterious, no path was ever clear
All I ever knew is
I’ll never know where I want to get.

My will, my only power,
A troubled soul to recover, a skin hanging lose on my shoulder,
The remnants of a wreck; a true disaster.

A picture painted would only reveal,
Death in its finest ordeal,
A soul tainted with defeat and shame written all over.

I don’t cry over the past,
Nor do I fear for my future,
He who cradles the world will always look after.

But as human what have I been? I always wonder,
Any better than a beast? or worse? echoes my soul,
The answer to which I never dare to find.

If today is not my day, as people say,
Tomorrow will never be,
I dare say, I shall never be, what I wanted to be.

With solitude as my companion,
Pain, the motivator, I plan to re-build my shattered dreams,
My hope, long lost, I seek to redeem.

In Mother Nature, I seek solace,
Some time and some space,
To build back, what I thought I had lost forever.

A bird’s nest, I see,
Tortured by wind from the sea,
Undaunted; it builds back as happy a soul as it can be.

I decide I’ll never quit.
Till my last breath will I stick,
With bated breath I’ll fight, myself more than anyone else.

To full utility will I work myself,
So that when all is said and done,
I can blame my luck if nothing else.

As my thoughts transpire
I aspire to be back in the race,
To never be alluded to as a just-run again.

But only the fittest survive,
The rest are destined to be plowed,
The more I try to go up, the more I am pushed down.

True faith never quits,
An adage; it’ll always only remain one
There’s no more color to it, the hard way as I find it.

Drenched in misery and self-pity,
I truly give up.
I can’t take this anymore, I say to myself.

Barren as a desert,
no grace no substance,
I find myself in this pathetic condition.