Salutations to the great American

Readers please note: I am being highly sarcastic and sadistic in this post. If you think I am like a typical self-hater, no, the title was just to be that much more cheap.

"Indo-US N-deal should be opposed: US activist".(Source)
Gagnon who is on tour of India with another social activist Mary Beth, said he would be visiting at least half-a-dozen cities across India and meeting NGOs, activists and others and collect from them statements on the Indo-US nuclear deal.

Dear Mr Gagnon, first of all, your name is funny, like all us Indian ones. We wish you have a nice and safe tour in India- do ride the elephant. Also please take pictures of poor children and 'religious minorities' in India so you can display them in your living room for friends and family to appreciate.

Back to my point, or crib, as you see it, we just had this news come in. We, Indians, are used to it and we either so ignore them that newspapers dont report majority of them. We flip channels and watch "Babaji ke satsang" or "Kahani ghar ghar ki" or MTV when such news reports come in. Ashamed to put it in words but for your benefits, we give a damn. Its not just We, The People, but also They, The Government (see). So you see, we are basically like a sitting duck. People come over, screw around and go away nice and fine. We dont do much with them.

That, is precisely why, you guys dont have to be afraid of us. if you give us the nuclear green signal, we wont screw around with our neighbors or threaten America or for that matter neither will there be any shortage of "legions of people (are) sleeping in the streets and many places have no sewar systems." We are humble people and we make up an accent to please you and will ever continue to do so. Dont be afraid of us.

Ah! before I forget, you will meet numerous people all of whom will have opinions similar to yours, which is ample proof for our tolerance. Well, we require them back in India so that we dont progress and overtake you. We sarcastically call them 'progressive'- but hush! dont tell them, not yet. Go to Iran and find me people who will support you - or get out of there alive, whichever is easier- and we can think about your proposal.

Even in the US, people were initially attracted to nuclear weapons, Gagnon, a follower of Gandhian philosophy to an extent, said. "But after some time people are coming back to their tradition and culture. People are now going away from materialism. This in the end will save the people from corporate globalisation", he said.
We, in India, regardless of your views on spirituality in India, would like to tell you that we appreciate a peice of bread more than all Gandhis principles or Christian bibles you can preach for us. We dont want high held quotes on spiritual salvation or Nirvana (just put this word in here as I know if turns you guys on), just give us, if you really want to, some bread. May I also request you to kindly visit the missionaries in India while you are there and share with them, all these aphorisms on corporate culture, tradition and culture (which incidentally we, Indians have too).

And while we are on Gandhi, the amazing human being, that was a poor joke about his persistance having won independence for us. The British just found it expensive to sustain India. I agree gandhi was a cool dude, but please dont take it too far. If you still think British ran away because he 'offered the other cheek', I dont see why I spent my (otherwise unproductive) time over this. So long and thanks for all the fish.

PS: While you are in Chennai, do try Madras coffee and Masala Dosa at Saravana bhavan.